Right now, things seem so blurry. I don’t know how to explain it right, but I’m going to try; when I try to think of the future and how it will turn out, sometimes I feel strongly about something. Now, I’m not implying that I am in any way, shape or form psychic, but there are these moments when I just feel so strongly that something is going to happen. Sometimes it’s bad, and sometimes it’s good. I think more often than not it’s a bad outcome, but maybe that’s just ‘cause I feel so pessimistic right now. That opinion might change in a day or two - or, knowing me, maybe even an hour or two - but that’s how it is right now. 

Maybe things seem so blurry because I haven’t actually sat down and thought? Maybe it seems so blurry because it hasn’t been decided by the fates? Maybe it’s because God doesn’t want me to know yet? I don’t know; I’m not sure. Things just seem like it’s all a little far-fetched. I feel a little frightened, a little worried, and mightily stressed (if that’s a word, I’m not sure…. but whatever). Short days and long months lie ahead, and i have no clue how much faith everyone has in me, “everyone” meaning the people’s opinions that I actually care about. 

Things are hard, and I’m still not sure, but I’m going to keep on fighting towards the things that I want. I need this. I need it. I need something.

Sitting here in the living room, watching TV. This is probably the first time I haven’t felt stressed out in quite sometime… Sad, huh?

I got my lunch bag packed, my shoes tied tight. I hope I don’t get in a fight. OOHH, Back to school, back to school… (From the movie Billy Madison, in case you were curious, :P)

I went to school for the first day about three days ago, and I realized how much I didn’t care. Normally, the day before school, I’m super excited. This time, though, I didn’t even really think about it. Why? I have no clue, but that’s how it was.

I already had my textbooks chillin’ up in my locker, and I had my combo in my pocket. The only thing I was really worried about was my schedule - the schedules are always crazy when you first get them. I have to come back in the middle of my fourth period class - which is Spanish, I might add - and pisses the teacher off. Plus, I’m not really good at Spanish, which scares me a little, but I guess I have to get over it. Thankfully, Mr. Coudret is a very nice man and is pretty laid-back, so I think I might make it through two semesters. I have online classes starting on the 20th, so that’s kind of stressing me out, but I don’t think it’ll be that bad.

I still have some issues with organization right now, but I plan on changing that sooner or later… Anyway, this post isn’t that big of a deal, but I’m really trying to keep up with this blog so I don’t forget about it. I had no idea what to write about, so yeah… :) Sorry!

When you’re five years old and you and your family went on a trip, you didn’t think about all the planning that went into that trip. You never really thought about all the money that went into Christmas Day, and you certainly didn’t think about all the money spent on clothes.

I didn’t really understand the concept of money, or credit cards, or jobs. As a matter of fact, I remember telling my mom to bring home a cake every day before she went off to work. Things are now a million times more complicated than they used to be: if I have money, which isn’t very often since I don’t have a job, I have to buy my own stuff; if I had a car, then I would have to pay for the insurance, and the gas, and all the extra stuff. When you’re five or six years old, all you know is that you can’t wait until you’re a teenager, because then you get to drive all over the place and go wherever you want - like the teenagers on TV. You don’t think about the fact that you have to study for a driver’s test in order to get your permit, or the fact that you have to do a certain amount of driving with a chaperone in order to actually get your license, which is actually a probationary license - meaning that you can’t drive with only your friends in the car. You don’t think about all the payments that go into your own house when it comes to that, or the planning that goes into a wedding… Let’s just say, that as soon as I turned twelve, I started seeing the “light”.

The reason I’m writing this blog is because things are just so much harder than what I thought they would be. I’m not even a legal adult yet, but still the thought of being one is kind of frightening. Sometimes, I wish that things could justgo back to the way they were when I was five - the way one sees the world at that age is so much better than the way you have to see them now.